The day I found out I was pregnant was my whole world completely turned upside down. I was living my worst nightmare. It happened on my 21st birthday. I had a lot to drink and unlike most people who just end up with a bad headache the day after, my experience was a little different. I ended up pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant, I felt alone, and afraid. I had no one to turn to. The weight of my own embarrassment, shame, self-hatred, and loss of self-worth was too much to bear.

It was not just the evening of drunkenness leading to a one night stand that changed my life. A lot of small events got me to this point; I drank alcohol for the first time despite being underage, lost my virginity to a guy I hardly knew, repeatedly got drunk and acted promiscuously without regard to my dignity. There were days when I hooked up with guy after guy in search for security. The more I did this, the more the feeling of unworthiness and self-hate took over me.

All of these things caused me to spiral out of control. So it’s no surprise that on my 21st birthday, I got drunk “justifiably” because it was my birthday, and had sex with some guy I didn’t really know. All those small things had finally built up to this point in my life.

Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?”

I didn’t tell a single soul I was pregnant and immediately scheduled an abortion, even though I knew deep down that it was wrong. I had never felt so alone. Inside I was desperately screaming, “Who could possibly love me now?”

The days before my abortion appointment were horrible. I was filled with guilt, depression, and loneliness. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I was avoiding everyone. Then, the weekend before the day scheduled for the abortion, something changed. I can't describe it very well, but I felt an some of hope and forgiveness. For the first time in over a month of depression, turmoil, and shame, I felt loved — in the midst of my brokenness. I realized that I didn't have to do this alone. I could reach out. Someone surely could be there for me.

That day changed me forever. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents I was pregnant. They didn’t condemn me, but instead embraced me, loved me, and supported me. I told my friends and they did not judge me even once. They loved me and affirmed my self-worth. For the first time, I actually felt like I was worth something, that even as a broken girl, I could be forgiven.

I am now proud to say I am 39 weeks pregnant with a beautiful little girl. Any day now I will get to hold this precious gift of life in my arms. During the process, I found a passion for helping others going through the same thing, so I became a volunteer at our local Healthcare Center. I get to share my story with anyone and everyone, with the hope that another broken person can feel loved and know they are valued. I’m so blessed that I somehow experienced the grace to understand that life is a gift, even in the midst of brokenness.

Are you dealing with an unplanned pregnancy? Right now you may be feeling hopeless and trapped, but you are not alone. If you use the form below, someone on our team will connect with you to listen to your story and help you find hope.