Tida took a deep breath, put on her best, patient smile, and knocked on the door of her friend’s home. Somehow, she had gotten herself into a schedule where she always has something to do – a schedule filled with things that are not top priority for her. Tida was known for her confidence and full social life, but she suddenly realized just how insecure and alone she still felt.
It was as if someone else had chosen everything in her life for her. Her days and activities were reduced to what everyone else wanted. Her hopes and uniqueness faded into the background as she became the person others expected. As Tida waited at the door, she dreaded the loneliness she knew she would feel amidst her friends.
Have you ever felt like Tida? Do you wonder how people would react if you were to expose your true self? For many people, a significant disconnect exists between their outward identity and their true selves. People desire the freedom to be themselves, but more often than not, the fear of rejection or disapproval drives them to compromise their individuality.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE REAL YOU?
Many of us spend our lives wearing different masks or façades. We wear some of these masks to cover up parts of ourselves we don’t like, and keep others around to change how people see us. The more masks we wear, the deeper we hide our true selves.
Wearing these masks constantly causes us to feel alone. A popular quote says, "You are only ever loved to the extent that you are known." We cannot feel loved for who we really are as long as we are not known as who we really are. At the same time, we fear we will be rejected if we expose our true selves. This frustrating cycle keeps our real selves masked and our relationships shallow and unfulfilling.
In today’s culture of pretending to be people we are not, it is no surprise that most of us find ourselves stuck in a never-ending rat race of living up to what we think other people expect. Meanwhile, our true selves get left behind in the dust.
Additionally, as humans, we have a natural desire to change and progress, but because of our need to please others, too often, the motivation for change is the external effects it might have rather than its innate worth. This type of change never lasts, and we end up back at square one, feeling unknown, unloved, and unchanged.
THOUGH THERE ARE MANY MASKS A PERSON CAN CHOOSE TO WEAR, THERE ARE TWO THAT ARE VERY COMMON.
Masks to cover pain. These are the smiling masks we wear when everything in our lives is crashing down around us. Taking this mask off would mean admitting that we’re not okay. It may also mean sharing your pain, hurt or situation with another person. It takes a deep strength to remove this mask, but it can be done.
Masks to cover shame. These masks are reflected by self-confidence or pride in material possessions, even when the person wearing them feels worthless. We use these masks to point others to parts of ourselves that we like, or to help them notice the things which we hope give us worth. Masks like these serve as a distraction to keep outsiders from looking to where our flaws and shame lie. They pull people’s attention away from our true selves, from our humanity.
SOME GRAINS OF TRUTH
We wear these masks with good reason. We have all experienced our fair share of pain and rejection. Yet, we still want to be known for our true selves. How do we resolve this dichotomy? Is it possible for us to become okay with letting our masks down while being fully aware of the risk factors involved?
The possibility of freedom to be yourself will always snuffed out by the likelihood of rejection unless you accept you can be perfectly safe from that pain. Other people, however, cannot give us the guarantee of safety from pain. Just like us, they are human and flawed. They might not be able to be there when we need them and often fail us even when they try their hardest not to.
If you feel like you've lost who you truly are, we'd love to help. Connect with one of the free and confidential mentors on this website.