As soon as I got out of college, I started getting migraines. I remember one afternoon I was so stupid I was lying at my desk so I swallowed a handful of painkillers and slept for two days. Gradually the pain disappeared. But not for long - the monthly highs began to return. A few months later I went to see a doctor. He injected me with morphine and sent me home with painkillers. I woke up after sleeping for the whole hour. So the next day I took the medicines. It's like turning off a switch in my mind. The pills make me feel better and take the pain away. What else do I need? In the next year or two I started taking the pain relievers if I felt like I was going to get headaches. Then I started swallowing when I couldn't sleep or felt anxious or uncomfortable. When I looked back, I didn't realize that I was becoming addicted and dependent. A year later, when I went to the drugstore for an early refill, the pharmacist asked me. I had a choice then. Do I take this as a warning? Or will I continue this way? Unfortunately, I tried to be a little funny. So he gave me the medicine. From then on, I started looking for ways to get as many pills as I could. I went to different pharmacies and doctors. to two or three I went to different doctors and bought medicines. I was a good kid all around. I graduated from a Christian college and got married young. I like the doctor who gave me a lot of medicine at that time. Because he gave me so many pills. "Well, you don't have an addict identity, so I don't worry about it." He used to tell me.

I knew something was wrong. When I realized he was lying to doctors and pharmacists and my wife. But at the same time, I feel really bad when I don't take medicine. I feel very uncomfortable physically and emotionally, so taking my medication has become very, very important.

I continued to take the medication for the next several years. Every other day if not every day. I always count the days until my medicine runs out. Gradually, drugs became a very important part of my life. When the meds run out, I miss work and sleep at home. And then if I get some I'll be my old self again. I told myself, "That person who lies and wastes time and energy trying to find medicine - that's really not me." It's someone else. I'm doing what I have to do.”

I was addicted then. But very few people asked us. My wife rarely asks me but she knows I am in pain. Because I'm a Christian school teacher and I'm a coach and I'm a youth pastor; No one wants to think the worst of me. They were willing to listen to my lies.

After years of addiction, Tramadol came on the market. Tramadol is claimed to be non-addictive. But again I had a very nice older doctor who had a lot of samples on hand. One day he gave me 50 pills. For free. There wasn't a day in a year that I went without tramadol. Every six months my lies are exposed. My wife knows I shouldn't take more than a certain number of pills and I told her I was only taking the prescribed amount. But sooner or later, money is missing from our bank account, or the doctor calls home to confirm my appointment, or the pharmacist calls to tell me that the medicine I ordered has been prepared. When this happens I cry and swear and say I will never do it again. I go a week or two without meds and then something bothers me so I bring more. At that time, my wife and I decided to go to Addis Ababa to continue my education. Within days I found a new doctor. Relocating made it easier for me to get the meds because I was able to start fresh with other new people. I also got a new job as a travel agent salesman, constantly visiting new clinics with new doctors. But he got me fired. I wasn't doing my sales job very often. I used to go to a doctor on my way and take medicine.

Then my wife grabbed me again. I forgot to return the 700 Birr I spent. I forgot I took it out. So that's when I first agreed to go to rehab. To be honest, it's a lot easier for me. I should not have hidden this lie any longer. I always wanted to get help and I wanted to stop; But it wasn't enough. I didn't want to face the consequences of using it, but I wanted to use it because it made me feel good. It kept me moving. But I didn't tell her the whole story that day. I only believed in what I was held to. I played down how addicted I was and didn't reveal how deep I was because I wanted to know how much she knew. My wife and I both thought that once I started going to rehab, I would be fine. This was the thought that got me into this in the beginning. You are crazy, you must go to the doctor's house, they will save you.

While I was in rehab, the lies and bills continued to decrease. I didn't want to hide our financial situation from my wife like I had for years. And once I got out; I had to face the debt. So I started using the drugs again to deal with the anxiety. At first it was small. I only take one to get through the day. That's what I tell myself. But within six months I started taking the same amount of medication I was taking before I entered rehab: 20-30 pills a day.

When I started using it, I started doing very embarrassing things. I once left my four children to fend for themselves. I bought medicine using my parents name. I pawned my wedding ring to a moneylender. Although I felt ashamed, it was not enough to change my behavior. The most important thing in my life was to feel good. And the only thing I know to make me feel better is to take medicine. So the cycle began all over again. I take it to make me feel better and then when the medicine stops working; I feel worse because now I feel guilty and ashamed. So I pop another pill to end this. And the cycle continues again.

After I was fired from my sales job; I got a job as a travel coordinator for a church. It was a job I wanted to do. Once I was hired, I told them part of my story but not my biggest problem. I started strong. I stopped taking medicine. But soon I began to expose myself to depression and loneliness. I had friends but no one knew me. So I still use it. “I realized something was not right. I was lying to doctors and pharmacists and my wife. But I also know how bad I feel on a day when I don't take medicine." After working there for three years; I started buying from individuals. And I was caught red-handed. It was shameful, embarrassing, a big failure. But now there is nothing to hide. All the truth is revealed. So I got fired. That was when everything changed. It was good to say that I was sensible and finally confessed everything; I wish I had shared my whole story with them. But they had to share my story with others to get me out of this life. And now I had to face the consequences. My little boys were growing up in the camp, riding bicycles. Drawing and going to the park. And looking at them, I have to tell them, "Your father was fired from his job because of his addiction." of four A year old can't understand this! "I'm sorry and I won't do it again!" They asked me. I have to face my wife too. “Hello, remember how everything was good? Not anymore. I was fired because I was still using the drug.” He was very angry. But she never thought of leaving me. I thought she would go and I didn't think she was guilty if she did.

Because we had nowhere to go. They let us stay there for another month and I stopped swallowing so I couldn't help packing the house itself. I needed someone to take care of me, not just him. I couldn't go anywhere without someone waiting for me. No one believed me. I remember. I said I would wait five minutes. “Let me wait five minutes. When the five minutes are up; I'm looking for a way to find a cure.” And then when the five minutes are up; I think I can last another five minutes. This situation continued for two weeks. My physical dependence gradually decreased and I began to move around on my own. The six of us moved from the camp to my parents' two-bedroom condominium. After being fired, I miraculously found a job within a month. In a non-profit indigenous organization. I leave on time and come in on time and they deliver me and pick me up from work.

Half of the first year my legs were shaky and tired because I was still getting used to not taking the medication; I had a hard time concentrating. And yet things were going well. I got a promotion every six months. When I quit, I was a general manager. The first few months after I quit; I didn't think I would ever be able to enjoy life again. I didn't see colors much and things didn't feel right. But two years later. They gradually changed. Those who entertained me before began to entertain me again. Medicine has made me feel less beautiful, but it is beautiful for me to get through something that makes me uncomfortable. But I have been free for the past eight years. And miraculously the migraines don't go away.

My story is a little different from other addicts because I had the support of my family and loved ones. The last time I fell in love; Not all my bridges were burned. But when I looked back, I was only a few steps away from losing everything and everyone. If you need support; Someone from our group wants to go this way with him. No matter what type of addiction you are dealing with, you are not alone. Leave your information below and someone from our team will contact you shortly.